C'mon Steve, Buy the Radio
I know the pilot’s already been released, but from here on out, I expect the soundtrack to be comprised exclusively of gentle dubstep.
Track 1. “I Never Learnt to Share (The Fact That I Live In Two Separate Realities)”
There is nothing like. What Meryl Streep has become.
There’s nothing that’s been said about trying to start an exercise regimen that hasn’t already filled streams of self-help books and piles of health magazines.
Except for the fact that synth soundtracks from the 80s are a vital, possibly necessary element of that pursuit.
(Before you fret and close this tab, this is NOT the first in a series of posts chronicling my attempts to get in shape. I would not do that to you.)
In lieu of talking-head podcasts or the icy comfort of my own thoughts, I opted to outsource my audio motivation selection to Shuffle.
Not ten minutes in, I was feeling the combined effects of years of neglect of physical fitness and the regrettable decision of lunch anchored by the cheapest brand of chicken nuggets available at the nearest Ralph’s. What began as a grandiose plan to conquer the hilly perimeter of Westwood was immediately scaled down. My body had to accommodate the fact that my longest runs recently have spanned only the length of half a crosswalk, mostly to avoid being struck by the sedans of overeager LA drivers who require immediate fulfillment of their legal ability to turn right on a red light.
My breathing got heavier. My throat and lungs started to burn. My plan to run for an hour was in danger of being reduced to the length of a Chargers fourth-quarter drive. Then this gem popped up:
It’s a track from the soundtrack to 1985’s “To Live and Die in LA” called “City of Angels.”
I can’t take credit for the song being on my iPod. That honor goes to my dear father, who has used the track to test out the sound system in multiple cars, a practice that I have happily and unabashedly continued.
Maybe it’s the bit of personal attachment I have to the song (despite having not seen the whole movie from which it comes, only the car chase scene that it serves as background for), but there’s something about the point when the song takes off (around 1:07 on the clip, but give it a few seconds head start so you can hear the build-up) that turned me into Benjamin Braddock, barreling down the sidewalk at full speed.
The song is far from timeless. But plug this into a highlight package on the primetime Sportscenter and only 35% of viewers would recognize a tangible difference. Shoot, put it on The Blitz and only die-hards would bat an eyelash.
Testimony from personal experience: for solitary jogs, it does wonders, clocking in at nearly ten minutes long.
Isn’t that all we want from the music in movies? Music in general? To put us in the mood of the characters and have us empathize with their situation? Well, there I was, running like I was escaping some menacing threat (possibly adult-onset diabetes). During the song’s lapses, where all you can hear is a chorus that the “Voices” plug-in on the initial version of GarageBand would be proud of, I was doubled over, ready to walk it on back. But at the point the bass kicks in again (around 7:10 on that clip), I caught a second wind.
I’m not calling for a retroactive Grammy or a lifetime achievement award. This is merely Friendly Suggestion #2: the next time you feel like giving up on your evening jog, don’t be afraid to flip on some Wang Chung that isn’t this.
And when Progressive or FedEx or Bud Light inevitably features the duo in a commercial where liking (nay, appreciating) a song similar to this is meant to be some indication of the main character’s technological ineptitude or inability to foster human interaction, I’ll have my counterargument.
Without that song, I might still be shuffling down Veteran Avenue, futilely pondering various life choices or stalled writing projects. I would be sitting in front of a Luther marathon, pondering how I was going to get enough disposable income to finally buy the complete set of “The Wire” on DVD so that I can recognize all the subtle Stringer Bell allusions that I’ve missed since stopping after Season 2.
But now, I have a nice, neat 600 words under my belt that wasn’t in this space before. Today, Wang Chung inspired me. And it’s more than I can say about many other things in this world.
What’s the alternative term for crowdsourcing if the source is more like a random assembly of people who just happen to wander in from somewhere?
Tricklesourcing? Preschoolbirthdaypartysourcing? We’ll work on it.
Below is a hastily organized list of other possible titles for this here Some of these were given thoughtful consideration. Others were impulsive. The categorization of each is probably apparent:
The Writer at the End of this Blog
For the time being, I think I’m going to stick with the one I have, a line from “What’s Up, Doc?” Considering that some of these posts in the days/weeks/centuries to come will involve some comedy writing, it might be best to do so under the banner of one of the funniest pieces of anything that’s ever been made.
(Friendly Suggestion #1: Familiarize yourself.)
But if the other ones speak more to anyone else, feel free to say so. I’m here for you after all.
Years from now, if Zorp is merciful, I will be able to look back on this very post and see it as the point at which I either began a fruitless, time-zapping venture or the moment when I reinvigorated my love for writing/desperate attempt to find people who appreciate my run-on sentences and obscure references.
(Hey, look at that! It only took me eight words before using the word “I,” you guys! This is totally a platform devoid of ego.)
First posts are always clumsy because it’s hard to keep the future in focus. I’m under no delusions that this will have a consistent format. In all honesty, there’s a strong chance that this will end up being exclusively a steady stream of baby animals and captioned stills from my favorite TV shows by the time next March rolls around.
I’m sure there will be time down the road for shameless plugs and one-sided musings. My only hope is that people who have liked some of the things I’ve done in the past can enjoy what will follow in this space. Ideally, some friends will be made in the process. (Note the use of passive voice just there: I can’t be the only person who’ll benefit from this, right?)
Here’s to all this leading to something good. I apologize in advance for all the parentheses.
